


Talking to Yourself (is a sign of sanity)

by EzzyDean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:30:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The printer hums and rattles it’s shelf.</p><p>Roses are red<br/>This dino is blue<br/>You’re not talking today<br/>Is something wrong with you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking to Yourself (is a sign of sanity)

**Author's Note:**

> Tony told me that someone reblogged her apartment AUs list and said that the “Someone keeps printing out cute cat pictures/messages on my wireless printer and I’m determined to find out whom.” AU was totally KuroTsukki with Kuroo sending the cat pictures. Then we started talking and things happened….

Yamaguchi lets out a startled yelp that has Kei leaning back out of the bathroom, toothbrush in one hand and glasses in the other.

"Uh, Tsukki?  Your printer just started up on it’s own.  Is it haunted or something?"

"Yes."  Yamaguchi’s eyes widen and Kei shakes his head.  "By my neighbor who thinks he is much funnier than he actually is," Kei calls out, voice loud in his small bathroom, and finishes getting ready.  "Don’t worry about it.  He’s as harmless as a newborn kitten."

When he steps out Yamaguchi’s face is pale, freckles nearly popping off of his skin as he glances around cautiously.  Kei grabs the piece of paper from his hands and sighs at what’s on it.

_Tell your friend good morning for me!  
Hopefully he has better taste in music than you do!_

The picture of a cat wearing headphones is surrounded by a bunch of hearts and Kei tosses the paper back on top of his printer with a sigh.

"Forget about it, Yamaguchi.  Let’s go or we’ll be late."

The last thing either of them wanted to deal with on an already warm summer day was their former teammates - or at least a few specific ones - whining because they were late to this little reunion.

—

"So Tsukki has a haunted printer."  They’re all sprawled out in various positions in whatever shade they can find on their little corner of the beach.  Hinata’s face goes comically pale as he sits up and scoots even further away from Kei, nearly falling into Daichi’s lap in the process, and Noya’s eyes light up as he scoots closer, knees bumping into Kei’s shins.

"My printer isn’t haunted."  Hinata eyes him suspiciously and he flicks a pebble at his head.  "One of my neighbors keeps getting onto my wifi.  The only thing he does is print stupid shit on my printer though so it’s not worth the effort of getting a hold of any authority to make him stop."

"He knew I was there this morning!"  Yamaguchi protests.  "He said to tell me good morning!"

"He probably heard me greet you.  The walls aren’t that thick.  I know he can hear me if I talk loud enough because when he started doing that shit I got frustrated and yelled for whoever it was to knock it off and he responded by printing off a picture of a cat wearing a cape with the message ‘you’ll never stop me’ in an obnoxious font."

Suga and Asahi come back with drinks and he takes one with a nod of thanks.  “What did we miss?”  Suga asks when he spots Hinata still almost sprawled in Daichi’s lap and Noya practically crawling into Kei’s.

"Tsukki’s printer is haunted by his nosy neighbor!"

"Yamagu- ugh.  Forget it."  Kei knows by now when it’s a losing battle with these guys so he just opens his bottle and lets the conversation wash over him.

—

There’s a new piece of paper in his printer tray when he finally manages to get home; Hinata and Kageyama had pouted, shouted, and coerced them into playing game after game on the beach until the sun started setting and Daichi finally called it a day.  He was tired, sore, and sure he was going to be finding sand in unfortunate places for weeks thanks to a particularly spectacular moment where Hinata had collided with him and sent them both sprawling.

_Missed your riveting conversations today._   
_Even missed your shitty music._   
_It’s been quiet today._

The picture accompanying the text is a cat sleeping on a guitar and in his sunburnt and volleyball exhausted state he actually finds it kind of adorable.

That doesn’t stop him from loudly complaining that it’s not his fault some people don’t understand good music when they hear it and that not everyone can be content listening to shitty pop music and show tunes.

By the time he gets out of the shower there’s a new piece of paper waiting.

_dude.  chill._

A kitten in a dinosaur costume stares up at him.

"I give you points for the costume.  But Comic Sans?  Really?"

He doesn’t get another page that night.  Not that he really expected one.

—

Obviously the comment about his neighbor’s choice of font offended him in some way.  Because the next week’s worth of messages come printed in increasingly gaudy colors and bizarre fonts that make Comic Sans look tame and normal.

"I can’t even read that.  Is that even a real font?  Did you just scribble something onto a piece of paper and scan it in?  Honestly."

A few hours later his printer hums to life and he glances up from his sketchbook.

_Screw you I have beautiful handwriting._

What Kei can only assume is supposed to be a cat is drawn underneath the message and he snorts because that is the most awful looking cat he’s ever seen.  Which is impressive considering he’s seen Hinata and Yamaguchi’s attempts at drawing.

"I’m going to go with the current theme and assume this is a cat."

_Of course it’s a cat.  Can’t you see the ears and the tail and the adorable smile on it’s face?_

A frowny face is drawn at the end and Kei rolls his eyes.

A few days later he goes to print off a stack of paperwork he’s been putting off mailing in for a couple weeks and frowns when the notification pops up on his laptop screen.  He’s down to less than a quarter left of both his color and black ink and a quick glance at his shelf shows he’s almost out of paper too.

"Just who does he think is paying for all this paper and ink?"  He wonders aloud as he gathers his papers together and heads out to mail them.

The next day he opens his door when Yamaguchi knocks and stares blankly at the bag he holds out.

"I didn’t bring it.  It was sitting in front of your door," Yamaguchi explains when Kei takes it and he steps inside.  Kei opens the bag cautiously and laughs softly when he pulls out a package of printer paper and a handful of ink cartridges.  "I brought this."

Yamaguchi pulls a small box out of his bag and Kei smiles.  “Strawberry shortcake?  Thank you.”

"My mom made it when she heard I was coming to visit this weekend.  But then I was babysitting and most of it kind of started to disappear."

That night Yamaguchi leans over the back of the couch and watches as Kei finishes washing the dishes - he refuses to let Yamaguchi help after the last time they wound up covered in soapy water with three broken plates and a sprained wrist each.

"You never used to talk to yourself, Tsukki."  Kei drains the sink and dries his hands off before joining Yamaguchi on the couch.

"I don’t talk to myself.  It’s kind of like talking to a cat."  Yamaguchi snickers until Kei raises an eyebrow at him.  "I heard you talking to your fish last time I visited.  You really have no room to comment."

"Whatever you say, Tsukki."

—

Some days he doesn’t say much. 

Those days used to be filled with a kind of foggy muck in his mind.  On those days his mind felt too big, his apartment too small, his skin too tight.  But lately even on the days he falls silent his apartment doesn’t shrink.  He doesn’t try to claw his way out of his own skin.  Instead, on those days he collects pieces of paper with increasingly crappy poems and ridiculous pictures and wonders if there’s a market out there for this kind of horribly sappy yet somehow endearing stuff.

The printer hums and rattles it’s shelf.

_Roses are red_   
_This dino is blue_   
_You’re not talking today_   
_Is something wrong with you?_

There is a horrible sketch of a dinosaur in what looks like blue pen with a bunch of hearts and question marks around it and he tries not to let it get to him.  But despite the slow throb in his brain and the general weariness in his bones he finds himself talking.  About his afternoon.  About the kids in the summer programs he’d been roped into teaching.  About Yamguchi and their high school volleyball team and dozens of other random things.

The haze is still floating around his brain when he crawls into bed that night but he doesn’t feel quite as afloat as he usually does when it happens.

Three days later the knocking at the door pounds in sync with the drums in his head and he drags himself to answer with a growl.

"What?"

He’s pretty sure he’s never seen the guy standing at his door before so there’s no reason for the relieved look on his face when Kei opens the door.

"You’re okay."

"What?"

"I hadn’t heard anything out of you for a few days and I was getting worried."

"I’ve been sick.  Who are you?"

"Your neighbor."

Kei falters a little and tightens his grip on the door handle, eyes narrowing as he tries to make out the man’s features which is increasingly hard to do without his glasses as his vision pulses along with the throbs in his head.  He’s sure he’d remember that fluffy bed head if nothing else.  Then he squints and tilts forward, noting the narrow eyes and almost cat-like pupils as the man reaches out to stop his fall.

"The cat," he mutters and nods as his eyes drift close.

"The cat," a soft voice murmurs back and Kei wants to tell him not to sound so smug but he’s so very tired again.

He opens his eyes and blinks a few times when he hears a plate settle onto the nightstand.  He wonders when he made it back to bed as red and white blurs slowly focus into apple slices.  Or what he assumes are apple slices.  They kind of look like -

"Are those supposed to be bunnies?"

A pleased hum sounds from the doorway as his neighbor returns with a glass of juice and a couple of pills that Kei frowns at suspiciously.

"For your headache and fever," his neighbor grins as he sits up.  "And yes.  They’re bunnies."

"They look demonic."  Kei grimaces when he swallows the pills.

"That hurts."  His neighbor places his hand on his chest dramatically.  "I slaved over those just for you, Tsukki."

"Don’t call me Tsukki," he snaps even as he drops back onto his bed.  "I don’t even know you."

"I’m your neighbor, Kuroo Tetsurou.  The cat," he adds as he smiles fondly at Kei.  Someone he just met shouldn’t look at him so fondly.  Hell most people he’s known for years doesn’t look at him that fondly.

"Whatever.  Just don’t break anything or steal anything."

Kuroo turns out to be a surprisingly good nurse.  Surprising mostly because Kei knows he isn’t the easiest person to get along with while healthy, let alone sick.  He mentioned it to Kuroo that night when he brought in some soup and got a shrug in response.

"Who is?  Everyone is miserable when they’re sick and the last thing they want to do is play nice with people.  I saw that note on the fridge, by the way.  With my dinosaur drawing on it."

"Ah.  Just like my mother used to do with my brother’s and my drawings when we were kids.  Looks like our drawings when we were kids too."  Kuroo’s smug grin drops a little and he looks torn between being proud at having his note stuck to Kei’s otherwise empty fridge and offended that his drawing was insulted.

"I spent like 40 minutes on that.  It’s a work of art," he pouts as he drops into the chair he had drug in from the kitchen.  Kei rolls his eyes and returns to his soup.

—

That day started… something between them.  Yamaguchi teased him about having a boyfriend but Kei still said it was more like a human cat that wouldn’t go away.  Kuroo still sent him messages via printer but he also started coming over for a little while most days.  They’d chat and bicker.  They’d talk about high school and hobbies and best friends.  Kuroo would pick at Kei’s music taste and Kei would wonder aloud about Kuroo’s lack of drawing skills.  

"You’re a good photographer but you’re shit at pen on paper drawing."

"One.  It doesn’t stop you from keeping my drawings."  Kuroo leans his head against the back of the couch and grins.  "Two.  You just complimented my photography."

"You’re good enough to make a living off of it apparently so you can’t be entirely horrible."  Kei nudges the camera on his coffee table with his foot and goes back to focusing on his sketchbook.  "Though I don’t know why you insist on taking so many of me."

"It’s cause you’re so photogenic, Tsukki."

He huffs and complains but it’s not as though he completely hates the pictures.  There are a surprisingly large amount of decent ones.  He’s just never been the most comfortable in front of the camera.  Somehow, despite how much Kuroo constantly seems to mention Kei’s photogenic atmosphere and how perfect his pictures turn out with Kei in them, Kuroo makes him forget about the camera being there.  Even when Kuroo starts printing off pictures of them on Kei’s printer and he threatens to just shut it off if he doesn’t behave.

Kuroo apologizes and brings Kei a piece of strawberry shortcake as a peace offering.

Then the next day he prints off a selfie he took at some point where Kei had fallen asleep on the couch and slumped over into Kuroo’s space.  Kuroo is looking up at the camera with a soft smile and the hand not holding the camera is tangled in Kei’s hair.  Kei’s head is on Kuroo’s thigh and there’s a smudge of pencil lead on his cheek and the whole thing is sweet and honestly it’s just another in a long line of ridiculously domestic images he has shoved in various drawers and sketchbooks.

Except it’s not. 

Because he’s not alone in his apartment.  He’s gotten so used to the sound of the printer kicking on that he doesn’t even register it until he turns around and sees his brother holding a piece of paper with a confused look on his face.

"Uh, Kei?"

"Akiteru," Kei sighs.  "Please just ignore that."

"Who is this?  I didn’t know you were involved with anyone."

"I’m not," he snaps and snatches the paper from his brother’s fingers, tossing it towards the coffee table without looking at it.  "He’s like a pet cat."

Akiteru laughs and Kei freezes.  He knows that laugh.  That laugh always came just before Akiteru convinced Kei to do something incredibly stupid and rash that had their mother scolding them for hours.  “Oh.  A cat, huh?”  Kei rubs the bridge of his nose: he can already feel the headache forming.  “Does he have all his shots?”  Akiteru eyes him closely, eyes dropping to Kei’s neck for a moment, before wandering to the fridge and calling back over his shoulder.  “Does he bite?  Did you buy him a proper collar?”

"Oh.  My.  God.  I hate you."  Before he can do anything rash, like become an only child and call Yamaguchi for help with burying the body, the printer comes to life again.  Akiteru wraps an arm around Kei’s waist and yanks him back before he can reach the paper, laughing when Kei huffs and tries to trip him.

It’s another selfie of Kuroo, this time him obviously sitting on Kei’s counter with an incredibly smug look (the cat that ate the canary and all that, Kei’s mind supplies) and he momentarily wonders when exactly Kuroo took that one before he notes the words printed below.

_I only bite if Tsukki says to._

Kei is going to jail.  He’s sure of it.  He’ll be going to jail for the murder of his brother and his neighbor and his mom will cry and it will all be Kuroo’s fault.  He can hear the asshole laughing through the walls and Akiteru is giving him this _look_.  That all knowing smug big brother look and Kei just wants to curl up and disappear a little bit.

—

He refuses to talk to Kuroo for the next week.  Four days into his silence he’s in the middle of eating lunch when familiar music reaches his ears.  It’s coming from the wall between his and Kuroo’s apartments and he tilts his head, moving a little closer as he tries to place what it is.  It takes him a few minutes - it’s been years since he’s seen the movie even though it was a favorite when he was a child - but the moment he recognizes what it is he flushes.

Because of course Kuroo would be apologizing by playing the soundtrack from Jurassic Park.

Kei is almost as done with himself as he is with Kuroo.  Because when his printer comes to life and kicks out a crappy drawing of a dinosaur (that probably took Kuroo an hour to draw so, so horribly) and a simple _I’m sorry, Tsukishima_ he realizes that it’s actually working.


End file.
